Dennis (6 years old) has lately become very much interested in his body. He likes to look at his body in the bathroom mirror and surprises you one morning with this question.
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Who has not ever been taken by surprise by such a direct question? Many parents feel inhibited or embarassed when, in daily life together, the issue of sexuality comes up. Yet, for the sake of the physical development of every child, it is important that parents talk openly about the subject. The continuous sharing of information with children from an early age on contributes greatly to their enhanced self-esteem: those who know and appreciate their body will also protect it. Thus, an open dialog about the subject of sexuality encourages children to define themselves and to pay attention to their own needs. Moreover, it empowers them to develop into self-confident, free members of our society.
Sexuality means different things for different age groups. When discussing this topic, it is incumbent on the parents to continuously determine and adjust the content of their talks according to their childrens‘ level of maturity and needs. The fact that different aspects of love, lust and physicality are openly discussed and questions truthfully answered without avoiding the topic does not awaken sexual feelings or needs in children. Sexuality is a kind of life energy which is inherent in every human being, and by discussing the subject openly you promote a healthy development of your children.
How would you react in this situation? Click on the appropriate image!
Here you will find some important suggestions for a dialog with your children
- Begin early to involve your child in conversations about love, the human body and relationships. If both parties are accustomed to talk about the subject, it reduces the inhibitions which many experience when discussing this topic.
- Ensure that your choice of vocabulary and your answers to questions are age- appropriate. Using familiar word choice when describing genitalia for young children is fine, but older ones from primary school on should absolutely be familiar with explicit terms like “penis“ and “vagina“ as well as “sexual intercourse“. Younger children are often not interested in details and might also be overburdened.
- Make sure that you understand the questions correctly. Mommy, where do I come from? – Does the child want to know your place of residence, or does he/she want to know where babies come from?
- Be honest! If you don’t know the answer to a question or if you are unable to explain certain words about the topic of sexuality, admit it and assure your children that you will find the information to answer their question later.
- Prepare a response, so as to be ready to react to your child’s questions at inopportune moments. If your child should ask you in the supermarket: „Mommy, does this woman also have a vagina?“, postpone the talk to later, maybe at the house: „Good question, let’s talk about it at home, ok? Right now we’re shopping.“
- Engage your child in talks while doing daily chores, like tidying up, cleaning or washing dishes. This way the topic of conversation becomes more commonplace and both parties have the opportunity to concentrate on their activities without necessarily having to look their conversation partner in the eye. Thus, talking about topics that may be embarassing to a person may become easier.
Additional information/ materials/ videos can be found here
PDF „How to talk to your children about sex and relationships“
Parent-child-online course for the information and education of 9-13 year old children. 5-week course with films, role play and other activities.
Text with information: When do I say what? Including film with relevant tips for the topic.
„Talking with kids about their body and sexuality” is based on the following references:
1 Landolt, Claudia und Claudia Marinka. 2016. «Wenn die Sexualität erwacht.» Das Schweizer Elternmagazin Fritz und Fränzi, Dezember, 2. retrieved 29.11.2017.
https://www.fritzundfraenzi.ch/erziehung/sexualitat/wenn-die-sexualitat-erwacht
Bundeszentrale für gesundheitliche Aufklärung Deutschland. Liebevoll begleiten… Körperwahrnehmung und körperliche Neugier kleiner Kinder. Ein Ratgeber für Eltern zur kindlichen Entwicklung vom 1. bis zum 6. Lebensjahr. Broschüre, 10 ff.
Gnielka, Martin. Über Sexualität reden…Ein Ratgeber für Eltern zur kindlichen Sexualentwicklung zwischen Einschulung und Pubertät. Broschüre, ed.: Bundeszentrale für gesundheitliche Aufklärung Deutschland.
Landolt, Claudia. 2015. «Pubertät intim- vier Mythen zum Thema Sex.» Das Schweizer Elternmagazin Fritz und Fränzi, November. retrieved 01.12.2017.
https://www.fritzundfraenzi.ch/erziehung/sexualitat/pubertat-intim-vier-mythen-zum-thema-sex
Landolt, Claudia und Claudia Marinka. 2016. «Wenn die Sexualität erwacht.» Das Schweizer Elternmagazin Fritz und Fränzi, Dezember. retrieved 29.11.2017.
https://www.fritzundfraenzi.ch/erziehung/sexualitat/wenn-die-sexualitat-erwacht
Public Health Service Wales and Family Planning Association, London. 2012. Advice Sheet 1. How to talk to your children about sex and relationships. retrieved 16.03.2019.
How to talk to your children about sex and relationships
Watzlawick, Paul, Janet H. Beavin und Don D. Jackson.2017. Menschliche Kommunikation – Formen, Störungen, Paradoxien. 13. Aufl. Bern: Hogrefe.
